


Somewhere Only We Know

by dragons_and_angels



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 4: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Canon Compliant, First Love, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-25 16:41:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21359362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragons_and_angels/pseuds/dragons_and_angels
Summary: Both of us, together.Harry fell in love for the first time. Six months later he had to watch his love die.
Relationships: Cedric Diggory/Harry Potter
Comments: 12
Kudos: 103
Collections: HP UnHappily Ever After Fest 2019





	Somewhere Only We Know

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt was 'Canon compliant. I would love if it centred on the moment Cedric dies and how the pain of the scene that follows intensifies; Voldemort, Crucio, Harry's parents, Cedric appearing again (and what Harry says to him at that moment. Does he confess? Were they together already? Does he hide his feelings even at the end to protect Cedric?). Bringing cedric's body back. Just. Give me Harry in pain.' 
> 
> Look, I really love Cedric/Harry and it turns out I love it even when it's tragic as anything.
> 
> Any lines you recognise are from the Goblet of Fire. Thanks to R for her beta help!

During the Yule ball, Harry watched Cho and Cedric dance and laugh and have a good time together but he found his eyes straying to Cedric than Cho herself. He thought this was due to jealousy, the wanting to be in Cedric's place, of Cedric being everything he wished he could be. But he was familiar with jealousy, having felt the emotion towards Dudley many times before, and the somersaults in his stomach felt nothing like that. When Cedric stopped him at the end of the ball, only to give him a hint to take a bath, he felt the hot, humiliating sting of disappointment.

Throughout the next half of the year, he felt like he saw Cedric everywhere he went. He seemed to feel more friendly towards Harry now and was always ready with a smile and a greeting whenever he saw Harry, something which left him stumbling at his words. It didn't take long for Harry to figure out why he was acting so strangely around Cedric. Unfortunately, figuring out he had a crush on Cedric did nothing to help him. If Cho Chang, brilliant, beautiful Cho, was out of his league, then Cedric Diggory was playing for England while Harry couldn't get on the school team. Cho and Cedric were a well-matched couple and neither of them got into trouble every year because someone or something wanted to kill them. Harry had no chance of winning Cedric over and the light, swooping feeling when he saw Cedric just wasn't worth the sharp stab of pain after he was reminded it was futile.

He told no one about what he was feeling, not even Ron and Hermione. Sirius seemed more focused on getting Harry through the school year alive and it seemed stupid to write to him about a doomed crush on the other champion when Sirius was already dedicating so much time to Harry.

But keeping it a secret didn't stop the thoughts and it definitely didn't stop the dreams. Harry's dreams slid between good and bad so when he woke up gasping, it could have been nightmares about the face on the back of Quirrell's head returning as a full blown spectre or it could have been Cedric pushing himself closer, his grey eyes hot as he did so. No matter what, Harry couldn't sleep afterwards, his heart thumping against his rib cage as he stared up at the top of the canopy and listened to the sound of snoring.

The second task was tortuous, as the person that mattered most to Cedric was Cho, and all Harry could do was try to make sure everyone came back alive and watch as Cho looked at Cedric with a glowing expression when he received the highest score in the second task. Harry had to look away just before Cedric caught his eye and pretended he couldn't see Hermione's searching gaze out of the corner of his eye.

If the second task was bad, then they came to the third task and Harry not only had to look on as Cho waved at Cedric from the crowd, he also had to worry about Cedric in the maze. He shouldn't feel worried, Cedric deserved to be in the Tournament after all and he would probably do far better than Harry himself, but Harry's path was clear of nearly all obstacles and all that was left for him to do was think. As time went on and the lack of obstacles continued, it unnerved Harry more than if he had run into something dangerous, drawing his attention away from Cedric for the moment. He sped ahead, wary about something stalking him, and was surprised by Cedric, singed and panicked looking. He immediately doused Cedric's smoking sleeve in water.

"You okay?" Harry asked.

"Hagrid's Blast-Ended Shrewts. They're enormous - I only just got away!" Cedric gave a wary look back the way he came. "Thanks, Harry."

Harry barely had time to nod his head in acknowledgement before Cedric took a path down the maze without looking back. He shook off a brief stab of loneliness and carried on. More of the maze passed, far emptier than Harry would have expected and most of the time it was him hitting dead ends. There was one Boggart and the Blast-Ended Skrewt was enormous, just like Cedric said. His heart had barely calmed down from the adrenaline rush from the fight before he heard Cedric's panicked voice.

"What are you doing? What the hell d'you think you're doing?"

"_Crucio_!" Krum's voice was calm in a stark contrast to Cedric's panic. The curse filled Harry with horror and he was already sprinting towards the two of them when Cedric began to scream. The noise filled Harry's chest with frigid cold, just like facing a Dementor, and he couldn't barely focus enough to look for a path into Cedric's. There wasn't any available so he tried the Reductor Curse at the hedge, which created a large enough hole that he could struggle his way through.

The sight of Cedric screaming and twitching on the ground, just like the spider, was not something Harry was going to ever forget. He turned his wand on Krum just as he looked up.

"_Stupefy_!" His anger focused him so he struck Krum dead on, causing him to fall onto the ground, face-down. Harry barely gave him another glance before he was throwing himself onto the floor next to Cedric and grabbing hold of his arm. Cedric was still twitching. "Are you alright? Cedric, are you okay?" It was a stupid question when it came down to it but Harry didn't know what else to say.

"Yeah," Cedric managed to get out. He was panting and his hands were shaking as he ran a hand through his hair. Harry watched him with concern and Cedric noticed. "I'll be okay."

Harry noticed that he didn't say he was fine right now but nodded. He didn't stand and neither did Cedric, the silence between them filled with Cedric's panting breaths as he came back to himself.

"I can't believe it," Cedric said as he looked over at Krum. "He came up behind me but I didn't hear... I turned around because a branch snapped and then he turned his wand on me."

Harry looked at Krum and felt the same surge of anger and betrayal he had felt when looking at Peter Pettigrew last year. "I thought he was alright," he said slowly. "Did you hear Fleur scream earlier?"

"Yeah. You don't think he got her too?" Cedric looked worried and Harry had to repress a smile. Cedric had just been tortured and here he was worrying about the other Champion.

"I don't think he used the same curse. Her scream wasn't.... it didn't sound the same." Harry stumbled over the words. Fleur's scream had been short and sharp, like someone who had been surprised and then knocked out. Cedric's had been long and pained, something which Harry never wished to hear again from anyone. He couldn't imagine wanting to cast the curse in the first place.

Cedric looked down at his hands, which were still shaking. "Thanks, Harry." His eyes were sincere and grateful and Harry ducked his head, cursing himself as he felt his cheeks start to go red.

"It was - " He couldn't say nothing, not when that wasn't true. "You would have done the same." There was a few moments of awkwardness and then Harry remembered where they were. "Despite what's he done, we probably should send up red sparks otherwise he'll be eaten by a Skrewt or something."

Cedric muttered something about him deserving it, which Harry couldn't disagree with, but sent up the red sparks anyway. They walked off together before they reached a fork in the maze.

"I suppose we'd better... split up," Cedric said, sounding as reluctant as Harry felt. It was a strange moment. Harry wanted to protest, to say they could continue on together, but with Fleur and Krum out of the competition, it was only the two of them left and it was still a competition.

"Yeah, I guess." Harry shrugged. "Well, bye." He hesitated, wanting to say something to Cedric, but his mind had gone blank so instead he offered a smile and took the left path.

The sphinx was surprising but it was even more surprising to Harry that he solved the riddle and, when he continued on, he mused about what he was going to say to Hermione after he got out of the maze.

His steps came quicker now than they had before and he caught sight of the gleam of the Triwizard Cup up ahead of him. He started to run towards it, before being cut off by Cedric, coming out onto a path right in front of him. He was tempted to let him go - Harry wanted to win but Cedric was the proper champion, not put in by someone else with an agenda. The only thing better than winning himself was seeing Cedric holding the Cup above his head.

Then he saw the spider.

"Cedric, look out!" Harry shouted by Cedric tripped as he turned and Harry was already throwing himself forward. The spider's pincers were fiercely painful but between the two of them the spider rolled over, unconscious.

"Thanks." Cedric helped Harry to stand and Harry tried not to focus on Cedric's hand on his back or his body being so close it was radiating heat.

"Don't mention it." Harry tried to keep himself upright, to not show how much pain he was in in front of Cedric but his leg was shaking and he felt cold and clammy.

The Cup was gleaming from a few feet away.

"Take the Cup, Cedric." And then Cedric proved why he had been chosen by the Goblet of Fire and refused, turning away from the type of glory Hufflepuff hadn't had in centuries. They argued back and forth, Harry's injury making him shorter and sharper than he would ordinarily have been. Then Harry had the idea of both of them taking the Cup. He didn't know why he hadn't had the idea before. To be side by side with Cedric, to win beside Cedric, that was the stuff of dreams.

They both touched the Cup and the world swirled around him.

Harry looked around, a thrill of foreboding inching him closer to Cedric. They both drew their wands and Harry wished they were more friendly so he could get close enough to Cedric to help.

He barely had this thought before his scar seared with pain, sending him crumbling to the ground.

"Harry!" Cedric called and then there was a far too familiar voice.

"Kill the spare."

_"Avada Kederva!"_

Harry forced open his eyes, hoping despite the growing despair forming in his stomach that he was wrong. But when he opened his eyes, Cedric's grey eyes, empty of all light and life, stared back at him. He looked surprised, Harry noted dimly. Of course no one expected to be killed in the middle of a school tournament, no one who wasn't Harry at least. He barely had time for his mind, frozen in shock, to come to terms with what his eyes were seeing when he was pulled roughly off the ground. His body felt numb but he fought because that was what he did. He felt like he was moving through treacle as he was dragged over to a marble headstone bearing the words 'Tom Riddle' on it and slammed against stone. Everything was distant and cold, he couldn't think about it, the facts weren't going in. Cedric was dead and soon Harry would be too.

The survival instinct which had kept him alive used his denial to push his grief and guilt to the back of his mind and forced him to focus on what was happening in front of him. He couldn't look at Cedric's body, crumpled in front of the Triwizard Cup, but could only focus on Wormtail and the bundle of robes at the foot of the grave.

The ritual itself passed in a blur of pain and horror. Harry could barely concentrate on anything through the pain in his scar and his leg, not even when Wormtail sliced his arm open to take his blood. He could barely absorb what was going on beyond wishing the ritual would fail, that the hideous creature in the bundle of robes would drown in the cauldron.

Lord Voldemort and his Death Eaters soon surrounded him, making the graveyard appear more and more sinister with every second that passed. The pain in Harry's body had blurred as terror and the sheer will to live kept him upright. He barely had enough energy to glare at Voldemort, everything he had was going into remaining standing. He wouldn't fall in front of Cedric's killer.

There was a mockery of a duel, where Harry experienced exactly what Cedric had in the maze under Krum's wand, and he felt for the third time in his life, the sensation of utter bliss, his mind wiped clear of all thoughts.

_Just answer 'no'...._

I won't do it, the voice at the back of his head said.

_Just answer 'no'..._

I will not, I won't say it, the voice grew stronger. When he caught sight of the glow of the Triwizard cup falling on Cedric's still face, the voice turned into a shout and Harry heard the words coming out of his mouth.

"I won't!"

The spell was lifted like he had just been drenched in cold water. The pain, the exhaustion and the brutal knowledge of exactly how bad the situation returned to him. Nobody was laughing now.

After he dodged Voldemort's Cruciatus curse again, he stood up and faced Voldemort, his wand gripped in his hand. Upright and fighting, just like his father. Like Cedric didn't get the chance to.

The thought of Cedric almost broke through the armour fear and survival instinct had created for him, but he looked at Voldemort's red eyes and pushed the grief back. He raised his wand.

_"Expelliarmus!"_

And, at the same time, Voldemort cried, _"Avada Kedavra!"_

The jet of green light from Voldemort's wand met the red light from Harry's wand in mid-air and suddenly the beam of light from one wand to the next turned into bright gold and Harry's wand started vibrating. Their feet left the ground, but Harry couldn't do anything but hold on as tight as he could to his wand. Their feet came down to rest somewhere free of graves and the light from their wands split into multiple threads, creating a web of golden light around them, of which the Death Eaters could not enter.

It was only Harry and Voldemort now and the phoenix song which seemed to emit from every thread of light around them. A familiar song to Harry and one which soothed the jagged parts of him and filled him with hope.

_Don't break the connection._ The music seemed to speak directly to him and Harry spoke back, saying that he wasn't going to let go. As soon as he thought the words, his wand started to vibrate harder than before and beads of light started to slide down the light connecting his and Voldemort's wands, making his wand red hot. Harry focused every inch of his will on forcing the beads back towards Voldemort and he watched as they slowly stopped and started to move back towards Voldemort.

As soon as one of the beads of light struck Voldemort's wand, it started to emit screams of pain which seemed to echo as they came out. Then a smoky, dense hand came out of the end of the wand, followed by more echoing screams of pain.

Cedric, smoky and indistinct, came out the end of Voldermort's wand straight after and Harry nearly dropped his own wand in shock. That wasn't possible, it couldn't be him. He watched Cedric hungrily as he climbed out of the wand tip and walked towards Harry.

"Cedric, I'm sorry," he said when Cedric came close. His face was wet, though whether it was sweat or tears was hard to tell. Cedric looked at Harry for a long minute and then his face creased into a smile, though sadness lurked behind.

"It's okay, Harry," he said. "It's not your fault." His voice was distant and echoed strangely, as if he was talking to Harry from the other end of a cave. He moved closer as more ghosts came out the end of Voldemort's wand, each of them speaking to Harry in turn. An old man, a woman who could only be Bertha Jorkins and soon the smokey echoes of the parents he had seen in the Mirror of Erised joined them.

"I'm here," Cedric said, his voice still echoing oddly. Harry took heart from Cedric at his back and his parents looking at him with loving eyes. The other two victims, an old man Harry had seen once in a dream and Bertha Jorkins, prowled around by Voldemort, hissing words at him Harry couldn't hear.

"Harry, we can linger for a few moments to give you time to run. Get back to the Portkey, that will take you to Hogwarts," his dad said, voice urgent. Any other time Harry would be absorbing every word, listening to his dad talk directly to him but right now his mind just stuttered, only focused on getting him out of the situation. He couldn't take in anything which happened.

"Harry, take my body back to my parents." Cedric's words broke through the numbness shielding Harry's brain and he let out a sob. His face was wet but his eyes were clear, even his tears knew he needed to be able to see. The golden beads on the light between the wands seemed to sense his distress and it became harder to hold onto his wand. Cedric's expression creased into something pained. "Harry, it's not your fault. Remember that." And Cedric's ghost touched his wrist, a light brush of fingers against Harry's pained and torn skin that almost couldn't be felt. "I wish we had more time," Cedric said quietly.

"We love you, darling," his mum said.

"Get ready," his dad added. He too brushed his fingers over Harry's shoulder like he couldn't help but reach out.

"I love you." It was the first time Harry had ever said the words in his life and he wasn't sure whether it was to his parents or Cedric or all three. His gaze was focused on the beam of light connecting his and Voldemort's wands. He wasn't sure he could hold on much longer. He didn't wait for a response, only yelled as he broke the connection. He barely spared the ghosts another look, instead running for Cedric's body, firing spells over his shoulder as he went.

He couldn't lift Cedric's body, not with his leg and arm like it was. Instead he thanked Hermione silently as he summoned the Cup to him and everything dissolved into a whirl of colour and the sound of Voldemort's rage.

**

The numb feeling spreading through his limbs as he arrived back at Hogwarts. It was as if he was watching outside himself as he told Dumbledore Voldemort was back and then was pulled away from everything by Professor Moody. He didn't want to leave Cedric but his body was far too weak to put up much of a fight and he let his teacher pull him away. The revelation about Moody and Crouch were absorbed by the part of his brain which cared about these things but right now he was smothered underneath the weight of his grief.

When Dumbledore said Sirus was waiting for him, he found energy he didn't know he had, enough to reach Dumbledore's office. His godfather was as pale and gaunt as he had ever been but all of a sudden, Harry remembered the faces of his parents, standing next to Cedric. He remembered saying his first words of love to three people who were dead and gone, lost to him now. The only thing left of them were memories and pictures and echoes.

He knew he surprised Sirius when instead of sitting down in the chair, he threw himself at Sirius, latching his arms around him and holding on tightly enough to bruise. Sirius barely hesitated for a second before he was returning the hug with arms that were warm and alive and there. Harry buried his face onto Sirius' chest, tears now far away, and breathed deeply for what he felt like the first time that night.

"What happened, Dumbledore?" Sirius sounded furious but he didn't let go of Harry and despite himself, despite knowing how childish it was of him, Harry didn't stop hugging him either. However, his leg started to shake under his weight and he didn't protest much when Sirius lowered him into the chair. Sirius' hands were shaking and Harry felt like he should be the one comforting him.

"That is something only Harry knows completely but from all accounts, it seems Lord Voldemort is back." Dumbledore looked at Harry as Fawkes came down to rest on his uninjured leg but Harry avoided his eyes, stroking Fawkes gently. His hands were steady, he noted with detachment, but he felt like he should be shaking on the outside as much as he was on the inside.

"I knew something like this would happen," Sirius muttered. He ran a hand through his hair, only for it to get caught on the tangles and Sirius to wrench it back out with a curse. Harry had a mad urge to laugh but instead he carried on stroking Fawkes as Dumbledore told Sirius everything that had happened with Crouch.

"Harry." Suddenly Dumbledore was in front of him and it was only then Harry realised he had stopped talking to Sirius. "I need to know what happened after you touched the Portkey in the maze."

"Surely it can wait until Harry's rested. He's injured and probably exhausted." Sirius had a hand on Harry's back, a warm weight which was just as comforting as the heaviness of Fawkes on his knee. Harry felt a rush of gratitude towards Sirius and wished he could summon up the energy to hug him again.

Dumbledore didn't look at Sirius and eventually Harry met his gaze.

"If I thought it would help you by letting you go and sleep and put off the moment of reliving tonight, I would do it. But I know better. Numbing the pain now will only make it worse when you finally feel it. You have shown bravery beyond anything I, or anyone else, could have expected of you and that bravery is needed now. I ask you to tell us what happened." His words came from experience, Harry could tell that much, but something in his mind rebelled at the thought.

"I don't want to feel it," Harry protested, his voice slow and dull. All he wanted to do was sleep, to not feel for a while, but Dumbledore wanted him to relive it. "I don't want to watch Cedric die again."

"And it can wait until morning." Sirius gave Dumbledore a look which was a mix of his dog animagus form and Molly Weasley all in one. He was kneeling next to Harry now and wasn't saying anything about Harry leaning on him. If Harry had the words, he would thank his godfather for speaking up when he couldn't do it himself.

But Dumbledore was right. He would have to tell him what had happened, he would have to speak of what happened tonight and wouldn't it be better to do it tonight, when Harry felt like he had been flayed open?

"No, Sirius, I'll do it." Harry surprised all of them when he spoke, himself most of all. "I'd prefer you to be here for it anyway." There was no guarantee Sirius could be there in the morning and, apart from Ron and Hermione, Sirius was the only other person he wanted to know the full truth.

Fawkes gave one warbling note as if he agreed and Harry felt the sound fill him with a drop of warm courage, strengthening him against the ordeal ahead. He leaned against Sirius and began. He told them of the graveyard, of the wands connecting, of the ghosts of the dead who appeared to him. Dumbledore gave him explanations for the wands and the ghosts but Harry still couldn't talk about Cedric, about his reassuring words to Harry or his final request.

When he was finished, Sirius was crouched next to him, his face hidden from Harry by his dark hair but his hand was stroking Harry's back in a reassuring fashion. Fawkes had moved from his lap to the floor and started crying onto the wound the spider had given hours before.

"Thanks, Fawkes," Harry said. He gave the phoenix another stroke of his bright plummage before Fawkes shifted and flew back up to his perch. This time when Harry stood, his leg was strong underneath him. Dumbledore talked about bravery and burdens, but all Harry could focus on was talk about a Sleeping Potion and peace.

But then the image of Cedric's face, forever at rest, appeared when he closed his eyes and his exhaustion curdled into something heavier.

"Where are Mr and Mrs Diggory?" Harry asked and a spark of grief showed in Dumbledore's eyes.

"They are with Professor Sprout, Harry," Dumbledore replied. "Since she is his Head of House, she knows him best. They are talking about arrangements to get him home."

Harry let out a breath. Sirius' hand was on his shoulder but he carefully didn't look at his godfather, sure he would start to cry if he did so. If he started crying, he felt like he would never stop.

"Professor, can you ask them - when you get a chance - if I can speak to them please? They don't have to say yes but just - I would like to speak to them."

There was a moment of stillness in the office. "I will ask them, Harry." Dumbledore didn't make any promises other than that and Harry was glad of it. Now he could rest, just for tonight.

**

The meeting with the Diggorys was the next morning. Harry had slept and been healed by Madam Pomfrey, but every time he closed his eyes, he could see Cedric lying there on the ground.

Neither of them blamed him for what had happened, instead they thanked him for bringing his body back. Mrs Diggory gave her husband some comforting words about Cedric having died after winning the Tournament, but her expression was brittle, as if she didn't believe her own words.

Harry felt desperate to say something, for them to know that Cedric would be missed, that he was so important, no matter what Voldemort thought.

"Cedric is - was the best person I'd ever -" He shook his head, angry with himself when his words dried up in his throat. "And I'm really sorry I told him to take the cup with me."

"What?" Amos Diggory said, more confused then anything else.

"He got to the Cup first. But the spider had injured my leg and Cedric told me to take the Cup instead since I had helped him out. But I thought it was only fair he take the cup. And then he wasn't going so I said we both take the Cup." The memories felt like it was years in the past, dim to Harry's recollection. He wished he didn't have to talk about it, but Cedric's parents deserved this.

"Just like our boy," Amos Diggory choked out, tears falling down his face again.

Mrs Diggory looked pale and drawn but otherwise normal. However, as she lifted her hands to push hair out of her eyes, they shook badly and when no one was talking to her, she just stared into space. She looked like Harry felt, too numb for tears. "I don't want to know how it - how it happened," she said, "not yet. But tell me, was it quick?"

Harry didn't know how to answer her, didn't know what answer she wanted to hear to give her comfort. So he told her the truth. "I don't think he knew what happened. It was the Killing Curse, it was quick." Mr Diggory dissolved into more tears while Mrs Diggory took a deep breath and then another.

'Thank you, Harry."

"If you do want to know, or you want more information, I'm with my relatives over the summer but I told Professor Dumbledore everything that happened." Nearly everything. Those three words would stay between the dead and him. "He should be able to answer any questions."

More nods. Harry didn't know what to say next so he went to stand up. "Would you like to come to the funeral, Harry? It'll be in the summer holidays." Mrs Diggory seemed almost apologetic for this fact.

Truthfully, Harry couldn't think of anything worse than going to Cedric's funeral and being face to face with everyone who loved Cedric and knowing he was responsible for his death. But being around the Dursleys, who didn't know nor care who Cedric was and the fact he was dead, was infinitely worse.

"Yes, thank you." Harry nodded and Mrs Diggory gave him a watery smile.

"Shall I let you organise it with your relatives?"

"Oh no, they won't care." Harry suddenly realised how this could be construed. "Care about me and where I am, I mean. If you let me know the address and the time, I can get the Knight Bus there."

Mrs Diggory looked like this wasn't acceptable to her but she gave him an address to owl all the same. Mr and Mrs Diggory left and instead of feeling better that two people who reminded him more of Cedric than anyone else were gone, he felt like something was tearing inside of him. Sometimes he would do something and it would feel normal, it would feel like something he would do, and he would almost forget about what happened. He would trick himself into thinking Cedric was somewhere else in the castle, ready to spring out at Harry unexpectedly and give him one of his kind smiles.

Harry took a deep breath and went to find Ron and Hermione. Hermione would want to talk but Ron would only look at him and offer to play chess with him, even if it was just to pass the time. And that was what it would be - passing time. Cedric was dead and Harry was not. That was that.


End file.
